I turned my time with Blithedale into the novel Vagabond’s Ways, which was met by critical acclaim. The novel presented readers with the outre challenge of piecing together the history of an unconventional polygamous experience, far removed from social and political expectations. Despite detailing experiences outside of readers’ experiences Vagabond’s Ways’ popularity caught Tilael Publishing unprepared. My success overshadowed Ian Jimenez’s painting career that to had sputtered due to political controversy. Eventually the stress of divergent career trajectories led to their break-up, which I responded to by throwing himself into work at Ego’s Own. At the time, I thought we were different but we weren’t. Ian smiled to confuse, and I talked; he was egocentric, and I thought myself unique.
After the Blithedale Scandal, friendship and old-fashioned dating were off the table. Alone, I would smoke salvia walking through Caentibiry and wondered if my ex-boyfriends wondered about me the same ways I’ve about them? I was sure they hadn’t because when I dreamt of ex-boyfriends, I gave them the relationship that wasn’t possible with me. I omnisciently observe their typical day: wake up, go to work (recording or art studio), then happily home to husbands. They were good boyfriends, just not good for me; they were someone else’s happy relationship.
When I haven’t been in a romantic relationship, the friendships I had with unattainable men quickly fizzle. He did not need to be the most attractive, but needed to be surrounded by the most. I relied on presenting myself as the ice cold, eye-rolling, label-less one. The bonds that were attempted consistently had an expectation of friend with benefit situation. I found those that took that route to be overbearing, as shallow as I pretended to be, or what I used for a mask was their true personality. Do straight women need to flirt to begin male friendships?
For the next two years, I curated a collection of coffetable autobiographic fiction by Huxia artists, which detailed the Genesis Revolution’s effects on their ecology and culture. Continue reading “Dorian After the Blithedale Scandal”