I have dawdled and diddled to put the new home together. The furniture is in place, the dishes are away, and the closet is full of clothes. My walls though seem extra-ordinarily empty and sparse. I have yet to achieve a home that is centering. Calming, yes. Centering, no.
Centering requires balance, but that is still on the “Working On” list. My mind is constantly five steps ahead of where I need to be, which is evident by my home – piles of “To Do” are everywhere; and each seems as though it never shrinks.
I am constantly bogged down in the planning and minute of life. The big picture is in the plan, but the trees are too enticing. It takes all my strength and energy to stay focused and not become distracted by gears in the clock. As I focus on the patterns, designs, clashing, and mixing I lose the trail through the woods.
Goals center a being. They keep everything in perspective, allowing balance to be the dictator of motivation. The goals of my life morph but have always been rooted in the idea of creating equity. The tool I have always wanted to use is writing. Life is at times hacking away with the tools to see the path.
Over time I have learned that it is okay to feel lost and drift from day to day, ignorant of balance. I began doing this by actively choosing to go through the two boxes of print outs and read, which allowed me to see how much of my fictional cosmology has been told. I began reserving weekends to take inventory of what I have produced. I learned that days do not need to be a constant rush towards the goal line, but can be relaxed and taking inventory. It is on those days, taking stock of what has been accomplished, one can be humbled by the steps that have been taken; we can pat ourselves on our own back.