Every so often a wave of belief that I am boring washes over me. I feel as though I must tap dance to be seen. Unfortunately, the dance is all that is seen. In new situations or groupings, I lean into being the “funny” one. While this gets me socially accepted, it limits the depth of my character.
At work, in our team meetings e have anonymous kudos, where everyone is assigned a different co-worker and then everyone writes a kudo. Every time, regardless who gets me, the kudo is the same – my humor makes the office enjoyable. This is pleasant to hear and I am glad I make work a fun place to be, but it seems to place when others’ kudo states a specific accomplishment or helpful act to that person. My kudo is a generic “atta-boy,” the personality compliment given about ugly fat chicks. The generic-ness of my kudo makes it impossible to identify the source; even though it is anonymous. Personality compliments are participation trophies. I want to be recognized for my accomplishments and contributions, something tangible.
The clown is two-dimensional character, whose purpose is to bring brevity so that the story’s plot does not get bogged down. There is no other room for development in the comedienne because then the jokes would carry the weight of the truth