Dorian After the Blithedale Scandal

Dorian After the Blithedale Scandal 1I turned my time with Blithedale into the novel Vagabond’s Ways, which was met by critical acclaim.  The novel presented readers with the outre challenge of piecing together the history of an unconventional polygamous experience, far removed from social and political expectations.  Despite detailing experiences outside of readers’ experiences Vagabond’s Ways’ popularity caught Tilael Publishing unprepared.  My success overshadowed Ian Jimenez’s painting career that to had sputtered due to political controversy.  Eventually the stress of divergent career trajectories led to their break-up, which I responded to by throwing himself into work at Ego’s Own.  At the time, I thought we were different but we weren’t.  Ian smiled to confuse, and I talked; he was egocentric, and I thought myself unique.

After the Blithedale Scandal, friendship and old-fashioned dating were off the table.  Alone, I would smoke salvia walking through Caentibiry and wondered if my ex-boyfriends wondered about me the same ways I’ve about them?  I was sure they hadn’t because when I dreamt of ex-boyfriends, I gave them the relationship that wasn’t possible with me.  I omnisciently observe their typical day: wake up, go to work (recording or art studio), then happily home to husbands.  They were good boyfriends, just not good for me; they were someone else’s happy relationship.

When I haven’t been in a romantic relationship, the friendships I had with unattainable men quickly fizzle.  He did not need to be the most attractive, but needed to be surrounded by the most.  I relied on presenting myself as the ice cold, eye-rolling, label-less one.  The bonds that were attempted consistently had an expectation of friend with benefit situation.  I found those that took that route to be overbearing, as shallow as I pretended to be, or what I used for a mask was their true personality.  Do straight women need to flirt to begin male friendships?

For the next two years, I curated a collection of coffetable autobiographic fiction by Huxia artists, which detailed the Genesis Revolution’s effects on their ecology and culture. Continue reading “Dorian After the Blithedale Scandal”


Oliver’s NYC Escape

Oliver and Company (Oliver's NYC Escape)My passionate love for all things New York City began with the rollicking technicolor adventure of Disney’s Oliver & Company.  While it can’t be possible because I was born in 1983, but I recall seeing Oliver & Company on the big screen movie; but I still maintain that The Little Mermaid was my first big screen Disney movie.  The pop-songs of Billy Joel and the bright colors of New York City were candy to me.  Oliver & Company had it all, as far as I was concerned: quick, hand-drawn animation; various styles of humor; a lesson about family; and the pop-songs of Billy Joel.  The Disney film’s Manhattan adventures helped lay the foundation that created the landscape that fueled my queer escape fantasies.

Oliver, the remaining free-to-adopt kitten in the box, reflects the emotional isolation queer students feel throughout middle and high school, watching other students pair off to experiment with the opposite sex.  Oliver is separated from his peers.  Abandoned, Oliver falls into friendship with the thief Fagin and his dogs – Dodger, Tito, Francis, and Rita – paralleling the found family friends that homosexuals find in similar people; either because of disapproval or knowing how difficult life would be for the child.  During his time with Fagin’s crew, Oliver meets a similarly abandoned young rich girl, Jenny.  Upon meeting Jenny, Oliver is offered an opportunity of acceptance; and vice-versa for Jenny, who is consistently left with only a butler while her parents travel.  The basis of that acceptance is that Jenny doesn’t truly know Oliver, or his life as a thief, which eventually catches up with him.  For queer identity development Jenny represents the dreams and goals that are imposed by the majority.  Oliver, like young queers, has mixed feelings about owning the newly discovered world or the normative from which they came.  Choosing neither endangers the clarity of life’s path.  Only at the end when both worlds, that Oliver doesn’t want to meet, do meet is he able to find happiness in his identity and create unique goals for himself.

Oliver & Company painted the picture of New York City with the experiences and people I wanted.  The characters kept a sunny view towards the world, despite the hardships that were thrown at them, regardless of the collar-color of the problem.  While they scrounged for food scrapes the dogs made playful games of their thievery to alleviate.  The cast of Oliver & Company took their lumps, learned, and then tried again with new vigor.  They had grit, ambition, and motivation to make steps.  No matter how many knocks life gave them, Fagin & Crew dreamed of a utopian life, nurtured with their communal domestic routine.  As in the found family, Fagin & Crew, shared their spoils and comforted through their failures.  They were early models of friendship and family in its purest forms.  A New York City of bohemian friendship, where there wasn’t much, but what was had was shared willingly.

ENTELECHY – 3 – Crepuscular of Limited Questions

Topher begins revolutionizing the world by acknowledging Artillects and computer-based life forms as equal.  By appealing to the maligned and forgotten Topher forms his power-base.  Next, Topher decrees that Magnolia Orchard, will be known as Star Garden, and seceded from NAU.  Topher requests from the World Nations Organization to have the Gardens acknowledged as a separate country.  The Malthusian Commission rallied other WNO blocs to deny Topher’s petition.  In retaliation, Topher raises the numerous Sacred Orchards around the world from their countries, creating tribal utopias with unlimited power, clean water, food, etc…  This begins a quickly escalating terrorist war between Rejenys and status quo.

The conflict began in earnest when a series of Malthusian coordinated terrorist attacks occur at Sacred Orchards across the world.  In Afruika, hysteria reaches pitch when Rejenys followers are lead into a mass execution in Mount Eros; among them is Melissa Cobalt, who prays to Topher but Nico arrives, taking the survivors away.

Next, in Vargaria, while on a romantic hunting trip with Ninive, Wyte is killed by Malthusian Coalition soldiers.  After Wyte’s funeral, Topher sends apostles out to purchase items for a Pantheon dinner.  With his friend murdered, Topher believes that peaceful existence with the current WNO cannot be.  Using the Sacred Orchards as hubs, Topher enflames the Burning Ember, whose Tear re-emits an electric-magnetic pulse that leaves 79% of the population in suspended animation.  When the remaining 21% of the population awaken their memories and identities are reset.  The Pantheon takes residence within The Ember, abandoning the amnesiacs to build a new society unburdened by preconceived ideals.

Verve – Tales of the City & Sense8

Sense8 [I Am We] (Tales of the City & Sense8)Tales of the City series offered a worldview where groups do not exist in isolation.  Rather, they exist shoulder to shoulder, helping and loving, other groups.  Tales of the City celebrates the connectedness of humanity.  My first found family was Armistead Maupin’s More Tales of the City, the second in the series, when I read it in high school.  More Tales of the City embedded in me the values and worldview that made the Netflix series ‘Sense8’, by the Wachowski Siblings and J. Michael Straczynski.

In ‘Sense8’ there is a parallel species called homosensate, where a group (‘cluster’) is mentally and emotionally linked across the world.  The show emphasizes the shared humanity amongst the diverse characters, while using their differences to unite and save one another.  The members of a cluster did not know one another, due to global distance, prior to being activated, and find in one another a family.  While happy in each other lives, they are isolated from those around them either because of a secret or just feeling misunderstood, but a cluster’s connections allows members to share experiences and memories, granting them innate understanding of who one another are.

The found family concept was introduced in More Tales of the City, which was taken to a global level by the wonderful ‘Sense8’.  The Netflix series acted as a macrocosm to San Francisco in Tales of the City, applying the US melting pot to the entire world.

Sophie Hatter Defies Conventions

Howl's Moving Castle (Sophie Hatter Defies Convention)Sophie is liberated by the Witch of the Waste’s curse, as it removed her from her assigned “failure” role to finding her own agency; “It was odd.  As a girl, Sophie would have shriveled with embarrassment at the way she was behaving.  As an old woman, she did not mind what she did or said.  She found that a great relief” (Jones 66).  The self-imposed title of “failure” is displayed by the Witch of the Waste’s spell on Sophie, the spell being Sophie’s primary obstacle to overcome, hoping to find meaning in her “failure.”

When Sophie is transformed into a crone her reaction is not typical of a fairy tale heroine, saying, “Don’t worry old thing…this is much more like you really are” (Jones 33), as she examined herself in the mirror.  When Sophie Hatter is transformed into a crone, bravely leaves Market Chirping regardless of advanced age, with more vitality as a crone than as an 18-year-old, the character instructs readers to question and resist social assumptions in the development of individual identity. Continue reading “Sophie Hatter Defies Conventions”

Dorian’s Want for Birthday Parties

The power went out on my block last night, delaying yesterday’s Vagabond Ways themed post.


Growing up I wanted a surprise birthday party a home filled with joy and people that wanted to be there – like what I saw in my mom and dad’s old blu-rays.  That dream never come true, even in grade-school when it was mandatory to report to a classmate’s birthday.  What I feared was not getting older, but that no one would come to a birthday for me.  My parents’ constant migration following the Huxia Rejenys flotillas, based upon access to knowledge and culture that would help them in their accumulations, kept my social circle small and intimate to just myself and my books.

While in Huxia, my parents celebrated my sixteenth milestone two months late because they couldn’t be bothered to take time off from research and worship.  I stopped sending invitations and chose to ignore celebration, taking enjoyment only from cards – and then settle for Facebook birthday posts.  My birthday became where I learned to exist within the cracks, becoming the excuse for wanting to avoid any fuss that would draw attention.

Eventually, at 16 I left the flotillas and headed to the family estate in Pentapolis of the Valley, working my way across Bharat as an artist’s model; I never considered myself the prettiest, but I smiled deceptively locking myself in another mind.  After Bharat, I took an ocean-liner back to Biell, in The Valley.  Having graduated high school early I treated what would’ve been senior year as a skip year.  During this time, I hung with the freaks and the wild ones, drank and got into drugs.  I lived hard in every moment. I joined Blithedale, and met Michel Caillois, who I wanted to teach me how everything worked.

At Aerynd University I avoided most social circles, believing they’d peak beneath my mask and judge me inappropriate – or worse, inadequate.  Around friends, I remained shy as if they were strangers because facades kept everyone at an arm’s length.  It was simpler to cover my self-consciousness and inferiority beneath masks, that were fashioned for inclusion by adopting specific friend-interests, and sub-cultures, and abandoning my own.

Homosexual Identity

Beginning when I was 9 years old homosexuality entered my consciousness with the AIDS epidemic, putting a dark stigma to gay.  With the AIDS epidemic dispersing large homosexual centers, stigmatizing and ghetto-izing homosexuality, the homo-culture’s mainstream gains, while stereotyped, were undone by constant images of death.  The Sassy Gay Friend was replaced by the Honorably Suffering Gay, aka AIDS-stricken.  Technicolor dreams became 8mm dungeons.

I have no formed homosexual identity, rooted in beliefs, attitudes, and values.      Homosexual culture is a set of shared perceptions that take heteronormative practices, beliefs, and arts, to repurpose for identification.  Self-classification as any one sexual category, such as heterosexual, does not eliminate one from participating in queer culture.  Rather, participation requires the ability to empathize with and perceive the world through the experiences of fringe and minority groups.

Growing up, homosexuality was a dark existence of hospital rooms and basements.  It was a life to not be emulated; a culture to avoid by any means necessary.  Being away from gay neighborhoods in urban areas meant no support network to explore gay culture and icons without derision.  These circumstances led to low homosexual and queer acculturation, with newer generations cultivating alternative set of gay icons for consult and support.

Entelechy – 2 – Vespers at Sacred Orchards Outline

Returning to Earth at Ulurru Megalith, everyone returns to Magnolia Orchard, where Nico and Topher began constructing the first Sacred Orchard.  While in the market buying goods, Nico meets John Smith, and not knowing Earth customs interjects on his behalf, inciting him to become obsessed with Nico.

Topher leaves without a word and is tracked down by Ean Felix, under NEON orders.  Ean finds Topher at Ulurru Megalith going under ascension, fully accessing his godhood.  Topher does this with an audience of Rejynis followers, cementing the cult as a mainstream religion.

Nico, new to Earth, gets a world tour while going under her own ascension.  As Nico travels the world she sets up the sites of the sacred orchards and learns about various Earth cultures.  During Nico’s World Tour, she begins assembling several followers who arise to join a pantheon forming at Magnolia Orchard.  John Smith tracks Nico through interwebs, covering his apartment in newsprintings.

Acting in NAU’s security interests, NEON begins trailing the Magnolia Orchard Residents’ World Tour, beginning with Wyte & Ninive showing Nico Huxia (Japan) ruins.  Nico then travels to Varagia and Ascomanni with Oen; Mesogeois with Ien; Afruika with Wyte; True Cross with Topher.  When Nico & Topher return to Magnolia Orchard they find throngs of Rejynis followers, and John Smith among them.

The military and political tensions in The Valley are a microcosm of the larger societal problems that were found around the world.  One day, while touring Magnolia Orchard’s garden Nico re-meets John Smith and arbitrarily experiments with her pheromone powers on him, pushing his obsession to fanaticism. The General of Praetorian Guard, with NEON surveillance, confronts Topher about his worldly travels, warning him that whatever is planned will not occur in a void, he will be watched.  Topher’s college ex-girlfriend, Melissa Cobalt travels to Sacred Orchard and confronts Topher about him disappearing and returning without any word, and they have closure.

Following a terrorist attack at a local hotel, Topher lays out his plan to the assembled Pantheon to speed the evolution of Earth.

Why Writing

Today, I began a new journal.  A new journal is an opportunity to take stock and re-map goals.  I decided on calling the blog VERVE because I wanted to capture the energy and spirit of life, create a public journal of essays, reviews, and articles.  The reason that I began writing VERVE has been to give my life a narrative.  It has helped me to turn writing from fantasy to routine.   When I began VERVE, I saw writing as a laborious art to explore and explain myself to that world.  To make a living as a writer has always been a goal, but unrealistic; statistically or accessibly.  The number of writers able to make a living at fiction writing is small.  Accessibility because I prefer writing shorter fiction, and fiction magazines are no longer popular nor widely circulated; magazines rarely publish short fiction anymore.

What attracts me to writing is what attracts me to reading: changing perspective.  Now and growing up, I enjoy reading’s ability to expose me to life experiences I hadn’t known or would know.  Words affect the physical world, re-shaping personal experiences and perspective through investigation.  Essays and stories help make sense of an increasingly complex world through exposure to another’s personal moments and reactions to the same world.  Writing is a pure reaction to create and build upon the physical world, re-conceptualizing experiences.