It’s been beyond joyous to redecorate – to create this new home a nest made of my life. Having a residence free of memories and past lives means there is only me to defer to; the present is my only reality. My history is riddled with opinions and directions of exboyfriends, family, and friends.
While I am thankful for the people I call friends and boyfriends and family, the route to meet them was not always preferable. I had modelled my actions on the expectations of others, and strayed too far from what had been expected and planned by suburbia: a four-year degree followed by the appropriate entry-level job, then settle down. For me it had been decided I was to be an English teacher. I was foolish and left college for a boy. I did some hardcore drugs and made reckless decisions because of boys; when weed was just find by me. Eventually, I refocused on myself and returned to college through online courses. I tried to be a teacher, but found working with people with developmental disabilities a better fit. I thought I wanted to teach literature, but truly I wanted to teach literacy.
I don’t know if staying on path I would have been as happy, or if I’d have gotten to the same conclusions at an early point, but now my home reflects a better suited narrative, and a deeper character.