As spring comes around I stay indoors focused on myself with little regard for normalcy, primarily because it remains elusive for me. While I do not regret the decisions that have led me to being more goal orientated, rather than relationship focused, I cannot help but see the stagnation that it causes. I routinely struggle to have inspiration; I struggle with snot sleeping all weekend long; I struggle with wanting to do anything outdoors. There is little that is of interest. I am consistently bored by the options that are available.
Dating has not been much of a priority, or provided respite from the day to day life. The men that I have spoken with, either through dating apps or through actual dates, begin a conversation rooted in getting blowjobs or attempting to score crystal meth. I find it impossible to take much of the gay community seriously as they quest to party like it is 1970s, and remain duplicitous in behavior. The majority of homosexual men are trapped in an adolescence of demanding respect, while simultaneously revealing that behavior does not warrant that respect. As homosexual-men make uproars about beign perceived as complex and valid human beings, I see little in the everyday non-Luke Evans homosexuals that are worth holding up as exemplary; Neil Patrick Harris & Ellen DeGeneres can’t be the only face of Homosexual-America.