Verve (4/24-4/28)

Spider-Man by Pascal CampionFor a brief moment I was chatting with a guy, E.F., through a dating website.  During that brief time, I was attached to my phone just like a teenager, eagerly awaiting and checking the dating website to see if I had received a response.  Everything about how E.F. described himself was perfect, so I was wary, but I made the decision to let fantasies dictate that my walls come down.  E.F. said he was a total alpha male and into rough sex.  When plans to meet slowly began to become finalized and a reality the time between responses grew until he completely stopped answering.  I am a grown up and have been able to move on, but the interaction still weighs on my mind.  I feel relieved and disheartened.  I am relieved at the lack of risk; I am disheartened because I had to abandon the idea of being found.  The idea that I would ever be able to settle down has eluded me since high school when dating with someone similar to my self became a foreign ideal.  Each time an opportunity arises, though, I build up my hopes like a tower only to watch them crumble.

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