Dear UnSent 2

Dear UnSent;

I let loneliness and a fear of isolation control my actions, pushing me to be in relationships and constantly remodeling my life to match them. I made the prison myself, and blame no one else because there are always options.  Unfortunately, I began taking them too late and damaged my identity, having shattered and buried it to gain acceptance from others.  Then I swung the other way and pushed everyone away to focus on myself.  Rather than dig deep and excavate my memories and experiences I relied on nostalgia to wrap myself in.  Armored in rose-tinted memories I pushed forward, believing the invented truths I told myself about the joys of singletude.  Still with optimism I kept every day the same routine, foregoing desires for a relationship for a good time – someone, anyone, to break the monotony of my life.  Dates though stopped after a single dinner date because I covered up insecurity by dominating the conversation.  I did my best to never stay on the side-lines long, and was always willing to try and to laugh.  I created a rich inner world trying to make my armor into every day clothes, knowing I would’ve survive the failure of another relationship.

Sincerely,

Carl

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