The Narcissist Boy

the-light-eater-by-koren-shadmiIn relationships I was a chaos creator.  The behavior was me saying, I will not let you act as if I was something you accidentally stepped into.  Then came Jonathan Griffiths, and I was the most authentic I could’ve been – and it was not good enough.  Of my contributions nothing was good enough, because I just infuriated Jonathan; this included the shows I watched and music I enjoyed, which were met with insult and derision.  I asked how to be a better boyfriend and he’d assigned me with making the world a gentler place for him, comforting him with nothing less than 100% support and grilled cheese, and if it didn’t happen then I was the enemy with no value to me.  I would implement and improve, so Jonathan could break-up with me to see if I would continue.  His experiments happened twice before I wised up.  By the third I got off the carousel.

In late November 2015 Jonathan Griffiths, an unemployed community theatre actor, asked to go for coffee at a local café; he ordered wine and I purchased a coffee.  Before our drinks were served Jonathan said he was an unemployed community actor, who preferred his stage name: James Lockhart.  The conversation was easy with cards placed quickly on the table.  I don’t understand the current culture we are in, James said.  I belong to another era, the 1920s or the 1940s.  James said he had OCD, bipolar with severe anxiety, and haphephobic.  It was because of being haphephobic, James said, if we progressed to a relationship that sex would not factor heavily.

[To Read the Rest of the Personal Essay Select the PDF Below]

Narcissist Boy [blog]

 

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